It has been a long time since I offered my voice to our blog, the past two years have been a rough journey. I felt since my last offering Thin Places, it was time to finish the story. It's taken over a year to muster up the courage to put pen to paper. Life since then has been filled with deep sorrow and great loss.
In March of 2019 I lost my mom and just fours months later my husband of 26 years, to their abrupt relentless battle's with cancer. It was a grueling and tragic year mixed with the joys of life, as I sent my youngest off to college. Happy for her new beginning, I was left an empty nester alone without the support of my two anchors in life. I couldn't help the feeling of abandonment…where the hell did everyone go!
I thank God everyday for the love and support of my family and friends during this difficult time but at the core of my foundation was my soul friend, my Anam Cara, as referred to by the Celts. The one who walked beside me every step of the way. The one who helped me find my way to knowing and acceptance. Thank you, thank you, thank you all, for loving and supporting me in my darkest times!
Let it not be said that the help of a good psychologist during this time was integral in my healing and that of my two daughters. As they too had lost the world’s best father, early in life, and their beloved grandmother the matriarch of our family who was always there for them. She taught us all the meaning of unconditional love...and we will be forever grateful for her wisdom.
During this time I slipped in and out of darkness dealing with my loss alongside the conflicting relief that they were out of pain and in a better place. My Celtic spirituality kicked in, again and again, as I allowed their spirits to comfort me, from the other side of the veil. In my tears of lament and loneliness they would come. I felt their warm embraces of love, manifested in physical chills bringing waves of love and peace. I heard them say, "You're doing a great job. We are proud of you. Everything will be all right." I knew they were close by and in those moments of desperation and sadness they came...and continue to comfort me to this day.
My mom always said to keep an eye out for the silver linings in bad times. Come to find out it was a blessing they passed with the pandemic not far behind…how could I have taken care of them in these times? My heart aches for dear friends who have lost a mother, a daughter, a sister, a husband, and numerous friends this past year inhibited from being by their sides every step of the way from Covid.
A year has passed now with the first anniversary's of their passing, first birthdays and holidays without them. The new year brought new sorrows...but in the sadness there was great joy...in the memories and lessons they left in our hearts. I know they are with us and always close by...when I sit still and listen...in the quite private moments of prayer and contemplation. I feel their presence and it gives me comfort.
We all have stories of loss, in the wave of this pandemic and ongoing fights with chronic disease…so many have crossed over...too soon. In these difficult times remember you are not alone, reach out to your “soul friend’s” and let them in. All we can do is be there for each other, so keep an eye out for those suffering in silence. No one should be on the journey alone. Remember, always, love is the greatest gift we have to give!
Celtic Way, Executive Director